South Asian cultures tend to place a strong emphasis on family honour and reputation, often leading to high expectations placed on individuals to fulfill familial duties and responsibilities. Failure to meet these (unrealistic) expectations often leads to feelings of guilt and shame.

In addition, traditional gender roles in South Asian cultures prescribe distinct roles and expectations for men and women within families and communities. Women may experience guilt for deviating from societal norms or pursuing goals outside of traditional roles, while men may feel pressured to fulfill provider and protector roles, leading to internalized guilt.

Also, South Asian societies are collectivistic in nature and tend to prioritize collective well-being and interdependence within families and communities. This dynamic means young people and adults from these cultures living in an individualistic society experience ongoing guilt for prioritizing their personal needs or aspirations over the needs of the collective, fearing judgment from their community.

What really causes cultural guilt?
The reasons are many, but some common ones I see are:

Intersecting cultural identities: Children of immigrants often deal with the complexities of navigating multiple cultural identities, growing up in a society where you look so different from everyone around you and where your family values may be different.

The notion of parental sacrifice: Immigrant parents make significant sacrifices to provide better opportunities for their children, such as leaving behind their homeland, language, and cultural traditions. Children often experience guilt for not living up to their parents' expectations or for feeling disconnected from their cultural roots.

Cultural norms + assimilation pressure: Children of immigrants may face pressure to assimilate into the dominant culture of their host country, leading to guilt for embracing aspects of their heritage culture perceived as "different" or "foreign."

Intergenerational cultural conflicts: Children of immigrants may experience conflicts between the cultural values and beliefs of their parents' generation and those of their generation, shaped by their experiences in the host country. Think of this as the generation gap but on steroids!

It’s neither easy, nor straightforward to address this. If you’re looking to unpack cultural guilt in a supportive, understanding and non-judgemental space, reach out to me here.